Sunday 27 March 2011

One more sleep!

So!  It's finally here.  The final day of not knowing my fate.  Tomorrow afternoon I shall meet with Mr Neurosurgeon (he's a mister, I'm not being sexist and am sure there are many super Mrs Neurosurgeons out there!).

This is the third appointment I have been given, as unfortunately my case is rather rare and the Team of Neurosurgeons have all reviewed my reports and are now set to see me!

People ask me all the time if I'm worried?  Nervous?  Scared?  I am worried but not as you'd expect.  let me explain....

You see, since Gremlin parked his butt slap bang in the centre of my grey matter, he has granted me this rather odd talent for using the TOTALLY incorrect word when I'm speaking to someone.  It rarely relates to the subject either lol!  For instance, on a trip to a garden centre a couple of weeks ago with a very good friend (she picked me up in her car so we could "do lunch", as I hadn't been out of the house for days) I remarked how much I liked "the colour of that crayon over there".  Cue puzzled looks from friend which I repayed with equally puzzled look before asking her what the matter was.  She pointed out I'd referred to a plant as a crayon and I laughed out loud thinking she'd gone totally bonkers! Haha!  But alas, she assured me I'd said crayon.  I honestly never even realise when I use such random words and truly do believe I've said the correct word, which in this case was plant not crayon.  So I am worried about saying something equally embarrassing tomorrow to Mr Neuro hehe!  I can see it now!  I'll probably ask him how many other cars he's operated on or something!  Noooooooo! So that is one worry I have.

I also worry that I will have to wait a long period of time from seeing him tomorrow until having the decided treatment.  Don't get me wrong, I've adapted to this waiting game malarky pretty well.  It's not the actual wait that is the issue, rather the fact that I am now in a constant state of uselessness.  Much of my days are spent with my eyes closed as it is just too painful to keep them open.  I can't look someone in the eye when I speak to them as I simply cannot focus on their face properly.  My eyes feel like they are in a constant "tug of war" and want to do silly things like give me double and blurry vision.  So I often close them for a while which is just not practical as you can imagine!  The pain in my head is, at best, unbearable and, at worst like some form of ancient torture.  Ironically your instinct tells you to go and lay down but this only intensifies the pain immediately.  As a result my head now feels like a canonball resting itself awkwardly atop my neck.  So, yes, I am worried about being left like this for much longer.

My biggest worry is that my L'Occitane delivery will arrive tomorrow whilst I'm miles away!! I'm REALLY looking forward to receiving it all! Hehe!

Am I worried about surgery, radiotherapy, the aftermath of all this?  No.  Not yet.  I will think about these things when I know what my planned treatment will be.  For now I will just worry about getting through another night of exploding head pain before I get to meet Mr Neuro tomorrow.

Until then, please enjoy one of my all time favourite songs.  Not only is it truly an excellent song (no instruments were used whatsoever) but it really does represent how I feel.  If the Gremlin ever tries to make me feel sad I just blast this out and send it's hairy arse packing..... :)




See you all when I get back!!! Be happy peeps! Mwah! xxxx

20 comments:

  1. Good luck at your appointment! I'm sure they're used to patients talking about crayons & cars, so, really, Don't Worry - Be Happy! Love that video :)

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  2. Had a bit of a mucky old weekend, but reading your blog pushed my woes into perspective. Am thinking of you. Also loved the music. Lifted my spirits up no end. Wishing you well. xx

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  3. Good luck with Mr. Neuro! And don't worry,as Bug said: surely he has been asked whther he operated on many cars and treated a number of similar kettles about a trillion times.
    And keep us posted (doing chores with fingers crossed is a bit tricky :):O) )

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  4. By now you will have some news - all good of course. We shall wait for you to let us know how the consultation went today. We do not want to overload you mailbox or telephone so we must just be patient and know that you'll update us when you can.
    Love, Mops n Pops
    xxx

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  5. I've spoken with Clare and sorry to say that the long-awaited consultation was NOT what Clare expected. Unsatisfactory would be my opinion but maybe Clare will respond herself when she feels up to it.

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  6. OH, DARN! (and that's understatement!!!) Sometimes the Population Above The Clouds sure exercises some really weird sense of view on how things should be. Well, I'm still holding my breath and keeping my fingers crossed, for things to turn OK.
    Keepin' you in prayers.

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  7. Came over from your fathers blog, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  8. Thank you all for your kind comments.
    Clare has some trouble with vision right now so I thought I'd just add an update of sorts.
    Clare attended another neurologist appointment on Thursday last and he is arranging the next MRI scan with contrast dye added. He has also referred her to another consultant re Clare's vision problem. Clare is managing this situtation with much patience and positivity and we are sure a resolution will be forthcoming in due course. Sadly, the National Health Service in the UK seems somewhat overburdened and short of funds right now but all those concerned with Clare's case are doing their very best in this rare and difficult problem.
    Philip H.

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  9. Saying a prayer and sending lots of positive thoughts your way. Be well!!!

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  11. Still keeping you in our thoughts...

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  12. Visiting to support you as a result of Philip's Blog. We are all with you now. Stay as strong as you can :)
    Blessings

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  13. i have just popped over from your dad's blog to give you a big Aussy (((Hug)))

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  14. Still thinking of you Clare and wishing you ~Love & healing~ x

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  15. You are still in my thoughts Clare. God bless you. x

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  16. So, how did it turn out? Neither you nor your father have given us an update.

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  17. You may not know us, but many are holding you in God's healing light. Be strong. You are loved!
    Mona

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  18. What an amazing testimony to the human spirit and so beautifully written. I've come here from the Croydon boy's blog, your father I believe.

    I see here that you wrote this some time ago, with not much action following this post, unless you've written since.

    I'll check it out but for the moment, like everyone else here, I wish you well on this torturous journey. I hope the pain has eased.

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